It took me a long time to go back to the cemetery after my father’s funeral. I went alone not sure what my feelings would churn up. Disbelief, anger, sadness, worry, fear, stress, all filled me.
I brought a single rose and a shell. One had soft, vulnerable pedals and a stem full of thorns. One had a spiny, barbed shield surrounding an empty hole. Both represented my heart. I laid them against his monument. The cemetery was quiet. Except for several crows squawking as they jumped on the ground and then back into a tree and a muffled road noise from the busy highway, I heard nothing but the sound of my own thoughts.
“Oh, Daddy,” I cried out, “You broke my heart. Why did you do it?”
Just as he left nothing explaining why he killed himself, no great answer rang out from the clouds or even in my head. I heard only the shouting crows. Presently, their lively game of tag gave my grieving mind and aching heart a release from the emotional turmoil. I smiled and went home. Throughout the rest of the week the sounds and games of the crows stayed with me—especially after I read this bible verse.
Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap; they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:24-26.
Suicide Grief Meditations 